Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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