i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
