i would punch a child for taco bell
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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