On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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