Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
