I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I love you.
Bad choice
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
