the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
