My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
