It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
