i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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