dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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