he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
