I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
