Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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