I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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