i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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