As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
