where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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