Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
