i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
