Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
