Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
