my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
