oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
