I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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