just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You ate ashes out of my bong
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
