All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
