I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
