Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
