the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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