I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
