So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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