Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
