Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
