his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
