i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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