I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
