Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
