I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need to calm my uterus...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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