just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
