Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
