the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
