She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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