ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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