Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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