i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
