It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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