I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
