You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
