Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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