Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
