Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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