Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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