I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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